Are you safe, my friend?

I have a whirl of thoughts in my head. Just feel like venting them out.

Unlike the usual way I write where I know at least what and how I want my blog to sound, I haven’t organized my thoughts. Don't have the time to do that "arranging the jigsaw of thought process" that I do before tapping on the keyboard, as I have to finish a chunk of work at office and leave early.

But, I have to drain out what I have to say. Can't find a human being around who will match my thought frequency, enough to lend me his or her human ears without looking at me with the expression --"Don't you have any better work?"

So, hoping these "Cyber-Ears" would provide me solace!

Well, I can't seem to get this question out of my mind. "Why do we loose touch with people whom we know and care about?”

The standard answer is "We are all busy". But is that **really true**?

Last week, I was waiting for my husband to pick me up from work. Bangalore traffic being the way it is, he was late. I got bored staring at the unknown human faces passing by in various forms of locomotives and shooing away the perpetually hungry/starved stray dog that came sniffing at my knees much to my horror!

So I took out my mobile and stared at it wondering whom to call and speak to. Scrolling down found a friend's contact whom I knew many years back and with whom I have completely lost touch. So dialed her number only to get a response that the 'Number is out of service'.

Pressed the end button with much more force than what was required because I was irritated, as I really felt like talking to her. Did not have any other contact number or contacts of any other common friends, as she was basically an introvert and kept her distance socially.

I went back home and my son told me that he has to make a chart matching the new words he learnt with pictures that were relevant to the words and take it to school in a couple of days. Set about "hunting" for pictures in the magazines haphazardly stacked in various cupborards, some of which were untouched for a very long time.

Found a novel which my friend, mentioned above, gifted me, a few years back in which was written in her characteristic roly-poly handwriting ---" This note is to remind you, my dear friend, to smile and not get angry with me, if I don't respond to your e-mail. Please understand that you will always be in my thoughts and I will think of you, however far apart we are."

I remembered the day when we were parting. We used to work together, but her husband got a huge break in a Mumbai based company and they decided to shift out of Bangalore. We exchanged novels as parting gifts with promises to be in touch, via email and phone.

And we did, during the initial few months, as long as she had access to the Internet at work and we could e-mail. Later she had to quit her job and I started getting mailer-daemons indicating her e-mail id was invalid/unused. She had called me last year to tell me that her number has changed as she was moving to a new locality in Mumbai.

Told me she was in a hurry and will call me up when she shifts to her new home. She did not call.

No, neither did I attempt calling her up, not until last week, the day after July 11, Mumbai attacks, when I suddenly remembered her, while scrolling down my contact lists wondering whom to call and speak to kill the time waiting for my husband.

Now Iam scared. Was she or any of her close family members in those ill-fated trains?

Is she alive? Is she ok?

God, I have this immense pang of guilt for not having kept in touch!

Why is her number not valid? Why had I not tried getting in touch with her since she last called? Must be close to 20 months ago. Was I so busy during that time that I couldn't spend those 10 minutes to dial her new number see if it’s valid and speak to her?

Why does this happen?

Don’t we all know that we live in such uncertain times that the shadow of ill health and death is omnipresent?

Is it too much to ask for to make a phone call to our friends, whom we once knew quite well and still care about, at least once in a year in the pretext of wishing each other New Year? Or set a few Birthday Alarm reminders and try and wish on our birthdays, so we know they are safe and in good health?

She is an immensely private person, so unlike me, and would not like it if I write her name in this blog. Otherwise, I was thinking of putting her name in this blog title, in the hope that she or her husband or someone who knows her would respond and tell me how she is.

My only hope now is "Telepathy". Since I have been thinking about her a lot these past few days, I hope my thought waves would reach her somehow and she manages to get hold of my correct contact number and call me.

Whenever my phone rings at home, these days, I wish with all my heart that it were her phone...

Are you safe, my friend? Please tell me you are...